WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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