so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
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I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
There's even glitter on my cock...
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