You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
