Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
