Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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