Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize