I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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