i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
