i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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