I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're a waste of cheezeits
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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