It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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