Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
