We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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