entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
