Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
