Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
