allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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