She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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