A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
