"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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