i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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