i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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