He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
