a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize