the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
