on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
