The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
