bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
