Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
