last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
