Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
