the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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