I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
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Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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