He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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