It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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