you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
