My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
