omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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