On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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