***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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