Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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