Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
