I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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