I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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