Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
