There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
