my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
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It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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