I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
