Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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