Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I did not marry a roomba.
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