my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
