I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
