you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
