It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
