Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
