Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well you can't waste a boner
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
That was before I lit my hair on fire
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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