i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
