I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
this just has baby written all over it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
