Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
