Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
