haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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