i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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