I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
