My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
